It's going to be an interesting year...

2010. I've been dreading this year for awhile now. This is the year that Rob deploys. I knew it would happen, and knew it was coming, it just seemed to come too fast. This is his first deployment, so I have no idea what to expect. There's so much to do to prepare for it, and a lot of things that you're forced to think about that you don't want to. There's powers of attorney (general and special), finances, life insurance, his will, planning a last get-together with his family, trying to not fight and enjoy every second we have, making me the primary for our cell phone and suspending his number, etc etc etc. Then there's my daily thought about how I'll get the days to pass when he's gone. How I'll handle Molly all by myself everyday. That thought usually ends with me calling a friend in desperation asking them to watch her for a couple hours, lol. I know I'm going to have to get Molly and myself into a good routine. I'm going to have to stay busy. Another thing I think about is how, or rather what, I'm going to feed one and a half people. How long will it take me to get used to being home alone at night, every night. I hardly slept at all when he was gone in August because I get too scared. The worst thing is that I want to talk to him about all my worries and fears, but he needs to know that I'll be OK by myself, otherwise his mind wont be able to stay on his task at hand and he could get hurt. I've made some amazing friends up here, most of which have been through at least one deployment before, so I know that I'll have support from people who have been through it before and can help me. It's just all so overwhelming. Especially since I have Molly to take care of. Although I can honestly say that she will be the one thing to keep me going. All of my non-Army friends, and family keep offering their support and love, but I don't think it'll be the same as what I'll get from my Army friends. They KNOW what I'll be going through, and they'll be going through the same thing I am. It's just different, and I know it will be even though I've never been through a deployment before. I'm worrying about the big things and the little things. I'm going to miss him so much, and don't know how I'd do if I lost him. To be completely honest, I have thought about what I'd do if he does lose his life over there. A lot of people would probably tell me I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that, but I have to. It's the reality of the situation. But really anyone should think of that because anyone can lose their spouse no matter what job they have. I'm probably going to be very bitter and envious towards anyone I know who gets to see their husband every day next year. It's unfair to them, but it's how my mind works. I get to be one of those people who other people look at and see how good they have it (in regards to Rob being gone all this year). Sorry this has turned out to be so random, that's how my thought process is right now. I don't want him to leave. He needs to come back to me.