Semi-Independent Player

The day has come, my friends, that Molly is finally content playing by herself. Well, kind of. She's happy to play by herself, as long as you're sitting in her play area with her. Mind you, her play area is gated off with one of those "baby jails." So a lot of my time is spent sitting on the floor with her. In fact I'm typing one handed now because she wanted to see what I was doing, so she's on my lap with her sippy cup. She had a rough day with her second tooth cutting through the surface and getting a cold at the same time. Although I must say that all the songs from the Fisher Price Laugh & Learn Table are driving me bonkers! They're short little songs that get forever stuck in your head. It's a great toy and Molly LOVES it, but the songs are starting to get to me, haha. Well, not much has been going on in our lives the past couple days. Just enjoying time with Rob before he deploys.

The Neighbors

So whenever Rob gets out of work, we're off to head over to my friend's home to look at it. She lives in a 3 bdr 2.5 bath townhome style apartment with a garage. The floor plan for it online looks amazing. It's 500 more square feet than what we have now. We'd be able to have an office, a play room for Molly, and most importantly, a room for the litter box! Those are just some of the reasons that I want, no, need to move while Rob is gone. The biggest reason being that our neighbors, who we *lovingly* refer to as the "honeymoon suite" are terrible. The couple is constantly fighting with each other, and they've actually physically fought with each other. The kicker is that they have 2 small boys, I'm guessing around the ages of 3 and 18 months. Oh, and the mother yells at the boys all day as well. And not just yell at, but swear at. It's just so sad and depressing, and doesn't exactly make me feel safe living here. Oh, and they have parties with people over and they drink with their 3 yr old running around, and their friends take our parking spots. Granted, the husband will be deploying at the same time as Rob since he's in the same brigade as he is, but I can't stand listening to the woman yelling at her boys all day. And this is every day. All summer the only time the boys would be outside playing was if they were grilling dinner. The.only.time. I had my 3 month old outside more than she did, and Molly couldn't even play. So that's my long vent about them, so I'm sure you can now understand why I need to move. So we're hopeful that we like the place in person. The security deposit is the lowest I've ever seen, and the only reason I can think of that we didn't consider this place before was that the rent was out of our range at that time. Since Rob went up in rank, and pay increases with the new year, we'll be able to afford it. So aside from liking it, the only thing will be is if they have availability when we need it. Which could be difficult since 3rd Brigade got back from deployment last year, and may still be coming back. So wish us luck!

Cabin Fever

So last summer Rob and I decided that we had to trade our 2 cars in for an SUV for a couple reasons. 1) Since I'm not working we couldn't afford the total amount of the two car payments, 2) We needed a safer car, one with 4 wheel drive, for the winters up here, and I bigger one to fit all the baby stuff. We're happy with our decision since it was the best for our family. However, we miss having our own cars. I miss having my car at my disposal to be able to go out and do whatever I want during the day. I miss not having to get up at 5 in the morning to take the car if I need it. So most days, I'm stuck at home. Which I guess isn't that bad, but I get cabin fever real quickly. We used to be able to go out when Rob would get home, but now that it's winter, and have Molly's bedtime at a decent hour, I hate taking her out "so late". So I avoid it unless we really need something, or I just need to get out of the house. Today, I really wish I could get out of the house. I have a Target gift card I'd really like to use, along with a little bit left on an Old Navy one. Oh well, I know I'll be able to get out on Sunday since Rob has staff duty all day and night :(

Keeping House

I always dreamed about being a wife and mother. Well not always, but ever since I started dating Rob I did. I'd dream about how I'd keep the house spotless, bake something at least once a week, etc etc etc. Well, now that I am a wife and mother, none of that has happened. For instance, Molly has been napping for the past hour and instead of using that time to clean up some of this extremely messy apartment, I've used it to sit on the couch, and mindlessly look around online. There's dirty laundry that needs to be washed, clean laundry that needs to be put away, dishes to be unloaded from the dishwasher and more put in, and just general clutter that needs to be thrown or put away. I feel like ever since getting my horrible lack of energy from being pregnant, I never got my energy back, and it's 9 months later. I realize that I have a very mobile child and all, but geez. I'm a young mother, I should have more energy than this! When I really think about it, I think my problem is my thyroid. I have hypothyroidism, and I haven't taken my medicine for it in a loooong time. I know I need to go get my levels checked and a new prescription, but that involves getting a primary care giver (my ob was that while pregnant and since I haven't needed to go to the doctor I never switched it), making an appointment, and then actually going. Sure, I'll get bursts of energy and work on something, but for the majority of the time, we live in a mess, and I HATE it. But what do I do about it? Nothing. I feel like a terrible wife for it too. Since Rob works so hard so I can stay home, I feel it's my obligation to take care of the home, and I've been failing at that job. I usually try to use Molly's naps as my down time, since when she's awake I'm obviously not going to get any of that, but then I feel lazy for not using that time more wisely. One day I'll be able to keep the home clean and tidy....one day...

Molly's Birthday

So I realize that I'm really ahead of the game on this one, but I've been thinking about her birthday for awhile now. I've already decided that the theme will be a garden party. Lots of flowers and birds! (no butterflies, too overdone) I've come up with one idea for it so far, but I don't want to go overboard since 1) she wont remember any of this or really understand what's going on, 2) Rob wont be here for it. I'm just going to invite immediate family and a couple of friends that have babies the same age as her, so I think it'll be fun! It'll give me something to plan for and look forward to for the first couple months he's gone anyways. A book my mother-in-law got me for Christmas has this cool idea to bake bread in a terra cotta flower pot. So my plan is to buy a bunch of those really little ones, and make cupcakes in them! Beyond that I have no ideas other than getting some fresh flowers, maybe some bud vases, and decorate with those. And besides, if I remain living in the same apartment we are now, we don't have that much room, so I can't do much more than that anyways. I wanted to do cute photo card invites, but I might just use evite.com instead, I'm not sure. I haven't found a card that I like and goes with the theme at all yet. I wanted to get the cool huge cupcake mold to make for her smash cake, but I think I saw it at the store for$16 and well, that's just more than I'm willing to spend for that. So that's all I have going on with that. She's currently napping right now, and I'm wishing that I had used the time to take a shower instead of waste time on the internet. Oh well, maybe she'll stay asleep for awhile longer!

It's going to be an interesting year...

2010. I've been dreading this year for awhile now. This is the year that Rob deploys. I knew it would happen, and knew it was coming, it just seemed to come too fast. This is his first deployment, so I have no idea what to expect. There's so much to do to prepare for it, and a lot of things that you're forced to think about that you don't want to. There's powers of attorney (general and special), finances, life insurance, his will, planning a last get-together with his family, trying to not fight and enjoy every second we have, making me the primary for our cell phone and suspending his number, etc etc etc. Then there's my daily thought about how I'll get the days to pass when he's gone. How I'll handle Molly all by myself everyday. That thought usually ends with me calling a friend in desperation asking them to watch her for a couple hours, lol. I know I'm going to have to get Molly and myself into a good routine. I'm going to have to stay busy. Another thing I think about is how, or rather what, I'm going to feed one and a half people. How long will it take me to get used to being home alone at night, every night. I hardly slept at all when he was gone in August because I get too scared. The worst thing is that I want to talk to him about all my worries and fears, but he needs to know that I'll be OK by myself, otherwise his mind wont be able to stay on his task at hand and he could get hurt. I've made some amazing friends up here, most of which have been through at least one deployment before, so I know that I'll have support from people who have been through it before and can help me. It's just all so overwhelming. Especially since I have Molly to take care of. Although I can honestly say that she will be the one thing to keep me going. All of my non-Army friends, and family keep offering their support and love, but I don't think it'll be the same as what I'll get from my Army friends. They KNOW what I'll be going through, and they'll be going through the same thing I am. It's just different, and I know it will be even though I've never been through a deployment before. I'm worrying about the big things and the little things. I'm going to miss him so much, and don't know how I'd do if I lost him. To be completely honest, I have thought about what I'd do if he does lose his life over there. A lot of people would probably tell me I shouldn't be thinking about stuff like that, but I have to. It's the reality of the situation. But really anyone should think of that because anyone can lose their spouse no matter what job they have. I'm probably going to be very bitter and envious towards anyone I know who gets to see their husband every day next year. It's unfair to them, but it's how my mind works. I get to be one of those people who other people look at and see how good they have it (in regards to Rob being gone all this year). Sorry this has turned out to be so random, that's how my thought process is right now. I don't want him to leave. He needs to come back to me.

Molly's Birth Story

So two and a half months later, I'm finally getting around to this, lol.

It all started when I went in for a routine appointment on April 8, 2009. My blood pressure was high again after having continual high bp's the whole pregnancy. This was when they decided to induce me on April 12, since the 13th was my due date. I was very scared by the fact that they wanted to do this, and just kind of told me it was going to happen that way instead of discussing it with me. So Rob and I used those last few days alone to prepare for her arrival, get the last minute things, and enjoy the remaining time of it just being the two of us.

How big I was the day I got induced

I called the hospital at 5 to see if they were ready for me to come in, and they told us to get there at 6 pm. When we go there, there was a little confusion as to whether I was staying or not since one doctor told them one thing, and another doctor told me another. Once that was all settled, I was admitted and the waiting began. The doctor didn't come to start the induction until 10 that night. They started with a pill that was supposed to help dilate me. When that method hardly worked, they used a catheter that inflates and dilates you to 4 cm. Then the next doctor was on call and when she came to check me, she took it out and I was at 4 cm. She then told me that she was going to break my water. It really hurt when she did that, and it also began the worst part of my labor. Once my water was broken, the contractions really started to hurt. Before that they were uncomfortable, but after that, I was writhing in bed when they would hit, and tightening my grip on Rob's hand. I dealt with the contraction for, what seemed to me, a long time. I wasn't aware then of the acutal time and length, and still do not know exactly. I was determined to have a pain med free labor. Mainly because I was scared to get an epidural, and unsure of how my body would react to it. I was also given magnesium sulfate to help lower my blood pressure because the pain from the contractions was making it sky rocket. Eventually, I gave in and told Rob I wanted an epdural. Since during the whole time, unlike the stereotypical woman in labor, I did not scream and talked very quietly and barely at all. So he then told the nurse that I wanted one and she proceded to tell the appropriate people. Unfortunately, because of my high blood pressure, I had to have a special blood test to make sure I could even get one. The prospect of possibly not being able to get one at that point terrified me. What seemed to me to be half an hour later, but Rob says was more like 10 minutes, I finally got the epi. I liked the amount of medication he gave me becuase I could still feel the pressure of the contractions, and my legs were only tingly, not completely numb. I did get the button I could push to put more medicine in, which I used quite frequently. During this time, I kept begging Rob to put more pillows between my legs since there was so much pressure down there. Eventually him and the nurse put all the pillows in the room between my legs. When the doctor came to check me, all she did was look and saw that her head was right there ready to come out, and time to start pushing! When Rob and I heard this we looked at each other with a very shocked look. When I heard this, I was also very scared since I've heard of many women having to push for hours. So I started pushing, and 10 minutes later, Molly Renee arrived in the world! I ended up having a 2nd degree tear, and thank goodness I had the epi because I can't imagine having to experience that without one. She weighed 6lb 3oz, and was 19" long.

In the mother&baby unit

July 2, 2009